by admin on November 27, 2008
Our Modern History student teacher gave us this a couple of weeks ago. She swore someone wrote it seriously, and while I’m not entirely convinced it’s still pretty funny.
Here goes:
“Dear Dr Stacey,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar of sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. Lev 25-44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both males and females, providing they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
4. I have a neighbour who insists on workig on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obliged to kill him myself?
5. Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wriggle room here?
6. I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
7. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field. He also tends to curse and blaspheme alot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn’t we just bring them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their inlaws? (Lev 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Your faithful listener,
P. Uzzled
by admin on October 22, 2008
Did you know you can buy eulogies?
There is something so wrong about that, I can’t even put it into words.
by admin on October 12, 2008
Iron Knob
Harry liked this one alot.
Cockburn
Geez, minds out of the gutter people, it’s pronounced Co-burn.
Coonabarrabran
Just awesome.
Oodla Wirra
Adorable.
Wollomombi
Try saying it three times fast. Seriously. I spent like ten minutes in the car trying to pronounce it.
by admin on October 5, 2008
This is getting a little freaky. It’s getting to the point now where I’ve been through so many towns and to so many pubs and rest stops that they’re all merging into one. I’m starting to have trouble remembering when stuff happened… was it yesturday, the day before or the day before that?
None of us can work it out.
It’s a little frightening.
by admin on October 4, 2008
Just saw Jack lying on the ground at the Coonabarrabran lunch stop, with Mum standing over him dropping red frogs into his mouth.
The mind baffles, it really does.
by admin on August 21, 2008
is weird.
If you try and search the term “Nazi” in Google, it’s blocked. But we have an entire term of Modern History devoted to Nazi Germany.
Incidently, “prostitution” and “brothel” are okay.
I will never understand Education Queensland.
by admin on June 1, 2008
We’re doing women’s liberation in Modern History at the moment and found a few quotes that were quite terrifying/hilarious.
…his own experience of ladies at municipal elections had been that they were somewhat weak in mind. He thought that ladies, like cats, were best kept at home.
A member of the Western Australian Parliament, 1894
You cannot make it a law of universal application that every person has a right to vote simply because he or she is a person… if we [ie. men] have grounds for thinking we can rule better than the others, then it is clearly our duty to rule.
Letter to Rose Scott
Men have come to look upon a woman as a sort of appendage to themselves, a sort of tail that only has to wag when man – the dog – is pleased. And many men’s attitude on the woman question is that of serious and painful surprise such as might reasonably overcome a respectable dog if he was informed that in future his tail would assert it’s own individuality.
Rose Scott
If there is one thing more detestable than another… it is an absolutely logical woman. Why, one of the charms of woman is her utter reasonableness… who, I ask, would kiss a political woman?
A Victorian Member of Parliament, 1895
There is no safety in this State as long as these shrieking women are running about… old frumps… gawks… tabby cats… trash…
A Victorian Member of Parliament describing suffragists, 1906
by admin on April 14, 2008
Today, while I was wrapping up her kebabs, a customer said to me
“Wow, you look really professional when you wrap up kebabs.”
Uh… thanks?
by admin on February 16, 2008
At the beach last night with a bunch of people, walking out towards Currumbin Rock, which takes a couple of minutes to walk to from the carpark. It starts pouring. Really hard, so we all run to the rock, and stand in this little bit where the rock sticks out over the sand.
A man in a full suit, holding a bright pink floral umbrella, walks past in the pouring rain.
by admin on January 7, 2008
On the back of the Cottee’s cordial bottle:
We believe in making everyday drinking fun. That’s why our delicious cordials are a great way to help you get through your 8 glasses of water a day with a smile.
Cause I get so bored with my “everyday drinking” usually, I can hardly stand it. Lucky I’ve got Cottee’s so I don’t die of dehydration, purely because I’m bored with water. Yeah, drinking is such a chore.
