bucket

Okay. So I couldn’t help myself. I read through like the entire school diary looking for more bizarre metaphors, quotes, whatever. And, guess what?

THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!

Therefore, I am forced (yes, forced) to create a list.

The Pizza of Life
I don’t understand what the Pizza of Life is trying to tell me (something about how the smallest piece is the hardest to chew!?!), but I’m sure it makes sense to someone.

“Success means getting your ‘but’ out of the way.” Anon.
What?? There’s nothing wrong with my butt.

“Be a fountain, not a drain.” Anon.
What is it with these diaries and water metaphors? Besides, I thought I was a bucket?

“Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.” Anon.
It’s true. We’re not allowed into the classrooms until the teacher is there. Also because they’re often locked and we need the teacher’s key to get in. This Anon. fellow certainly knows my school well.

“The Show begins after the Show is over.” J.E. Jones
I seriously have no idea what this bloke/ blokette is on about.

“The doors of opportunity are marked ‘push’.” Anon.
The doors at school open outwards. To enter, you pull.

“An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat an army of lions led by a sheep.” Arab proverb
No. Just no. Sheep have entirely too much fluff to kill lions. Although maybe if you shear them first… No. Then they’re just massively skinny and weak looking.

And, my personal favourite, drumroll please….

Continued suspense…

“Many drops fill the bucket.” Anon.
Because I’m a bucket! So even if my teacher’s just a leaky old tap that needs it’s washer replaced, my bucket will still be filled! Hooray for buckets!!! (Joke. Still only want to be a Bucket if I receive a chocolate factory and glass elevator in the deal. Otherwise it’s just not worth it.)

This is what happens when you attend a public school.

So, we got our school diaries today. They’ve clearly upgraded, as instead of just the school rules and the diary, there are about a hundred extra pages, detailing study techniques to the pictures on the Australian coins. We also have a periodic table, importance-priority SCALE and, get this, holiday study timetable. HA HA HA.

But by far the funniest thing of all was the page describing the student – teacher relationship.

“You are the bucket and the teacher is the tap filling you up.”

I AM NOT A BUCKET.
Unless of course I got to be Charlie Bucket and get Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and go for a ride in Great Glass Elevators. But that’s not the point.

I AM NOT A BUCKET.